not



Not superman you say? probably not. you probably remembered the lyrics to superman by five for fighting "even heroes have the right to bleed, its not easy to be me" or " I’m only a man in a silly red sheet, Digging for kryptonite on this one way street Only a man in a funny red sheet, Looking for special things inside of me." The truth is, it is true.

But I can bleed can't I? superman needs to rest as well. rough tough weekend. well, maybe. Yea I know its 1 .30 in the morning and I have work pretty soon, why am I still awake. Well, I am thinking of some stuff anyway... what went wrong with me? am I naive?

For the start I didn't do great in my job, I revamp a design, it totally look cool and css + web 2.0 kinda standard, it looks like blogs that's it, but it was gunned down.. well, sorta... Totally my bad, was suppose to add in more elements, like shadow and small small details that makes a site nice and special (hey I'm suppose to be good at that). No I didn't and I have to revamp it while I know I was going to be late for music practice... so I kinda boiled.

While rushing, I took the office keys instead of my house keys... and My coulique have to go back and take his to lock the door... How bad was that? Service was low, Din liked it. I felt lousy the entire weekend that is. The next day was probably a little better, we had house visitation.

The visitation started alright, but halfway through I lost my concentration. of course people were happily playing cards, and piano... and reading books about gossiping and shopping (chicks and chicksbooks)

No offence guys, read some Christian book as well, fine if C.S Lewis, Max Lucado is boring, readMatt Redman's 'facedown' or 'Heart of Worship' or 'The book of Martyrs' NO I am not that holy, I do read novels as well like investigation books and harry potter (stopped after 3) but gossip girls? oh yea how can you read books where there is no love, handsome chunk involve? pft... boring... yea sure why don't you quit movies John.. their the same... don't pretend you're so holy.

Back to where I left off, they found something to play the 3rd house, cards.. haha but the host were no where to be seen... haha so they had fun, I sat and watch abit hindustan while the piano gang were again playing ICSOYLF which is good, practice make perfect...

Things started to get interesting as we were going to Cassie's house, I arrived the last for the 3rd time... Haha, I sat one corner by then... that's when one young lady asked me something that no one in our youth would have asked... well of course she is one of us, but she's new and shocked me. she say "Do you want to talk to the parents, becuase I think that's what we should do, we should talk to the host of the house right when we visit people" That one sentence changed my view on her... by this time the youth again crowd to themselves and started playing cards, I went and talk to Cassie's parents, well I felt great, coz I don't normally do that, but seems like got many topic can talk about hur, afterall, they're pre-Christians, and since they open house, we're a testimony, sadly only a few talked to them... ah yea sure, John and Jennifer is there to do it.. why us?

ah the whether is hot by now and yea the 2 last house nothing much happened, went to see Kristina in the hospital since she is not well.. how nice to be remembered only when you're sick... right.. came back alone, went eat in SF, went Starbucks, Emoness came... brought me down as well. sent Lydia back, chatted with her quite long talking about youths and leadership in church etc. haha.. neighbour oh neighbour...

Today I woke up late, lack of sleep I guess, went church class was halfway already... service was alright, Pastor Peter spoke. He really looks like my dad and that's scary to see my dad there all the time. practice for easter was not good, they don't take it seriously and it went so casual. went back, shower, off to Joleen's House but was looking for alternative way to go office w/o passing the toll. went through rocky roads and huge stone - Failure

So before I reach Jo's house, joe ask me whether I want go Aunty Janet's place... I was thinking about it, but Jenn and Joe kept msg me and letting out their frust and disappointment with Emo and Emo might be there, I figured ok maybe I should go with them. since I know they are really very down and hurt by it. but my leaving wasn't a good idea, of course that made me feel I am not up to beat, I don't give enough time to Jo and now I am leaving?

It chain to other questions... I don't give time to parents? yea I don't. Good mornign dad, good night dad. Am I a superman? nope, but I strive to be one.... not good enough john, not good enough... you always make people sad, you always hurt people that way.. not good enough... try again. until you can fly keep flapping your wings. It is rather last minute to aunty Janet's house and sometimes as a leader if there is a need I'll be there of course, will anyone support me? that's another story. oh shut up don't talk about being leader again... not like you're that good a leader... you're just a hypocrite self-righteous person. Am I?

While I was in aunty Janet's house I felt like crying... there were tears in my eyes. of course Emo was watching Tv while the kids were watching Grey's Anatomy, Aunty Janet came to me and Jenn and asked, are you okay? I almost cried when I say I am kinda tired. I held my tears back of course. I walked away from the Tv and crowd, and I saw jenn was sitting at the table with Joe so I joined them. I took another look at the kids and how happy they were being GLUED to the magic box, while we were all solemn at the table, and aunty Janet came. (since we all moved simultaneously, it is rather suspicious isn't it?)

We sat at the table until everyone went back. Joe and Jenn were talking to aunty Janet and probably kept saying that they were hurt, I was drinking my water while listening, didn't speak much. After what happen during the weekend stoning is a good idea. We stayed till midnight and I called it a night. In the car I just told them.. I don't want to discuss anything now. Let's just go home and sleep well tonight.

while i drive back.. I kept thinking the lyrics to superman... its not easy, to be me. neither it is easy to be you. I should get some sleep now its 2.20, almost an hour since I started writting. its odd, superman is everywhere recently. in Bali, there is a live concert happening soon, the band name, it caught my attention - S.I.D I kept remembering it the whole trip up till now.. S.I.D = Superman is Dead. How controversial. a few days ago, I thought to myself, does he need sleep?

The nature of tiredness is sleep... its real comforting news is to know people are sleeping well. after all it is the year of the Pig. Good night blog.


the question is, when will I wake...



4 comments:

angeliCassie said...

bro john,shut up.you are a good leader and i dun need to be a 5 years Christian to tell that.everyone has their own special traits,just because you fail in some area and bleed,doesn't mean you have to cry.stand up like a man.and dun think of superman,cause the last time i check,you didn't wear your underwear outside,so you're not him.

cheer up =)

Anonymous said...

hey ur a great leader...dun let small things pull u down..jz continue to trust in God!! u hav ur ppl to back u up...so cheer up!! ur a wonderful n great leader!!

Anonymous said...

Can I suggest you about try not doing any church activities for a few weeks or skipping 1 or 2 church activity.

That's probably what you are thinking.

Is the socializing part that you are tired I guess.

"Opinions are just a state of mind, they'll die. Ideas are eyesight, they see potential"

Try skipping and you'll remember. =)

God Bless

Anonymous said...

apa emo ..
siapa?lol...weird la name emoness