Social Butterfly?

I know there are a few social butterfly which well are social, some short, some fat...

That's not the point no-no... years ago (many many) Me and my character have always suggested that I was a loner, Not many friends, just me and me. I don't like mixing around, I don't like talking and probably am shy when I was a kid. When I was a teenager, I was quiet as well. Again, I really talked to Jennifer (more than 2 sentence kind) after knowing her for 7 years. See?

After that, some would call me hostile, some would call me unfriendly, some assume that I hate them haha well, that period I would like to call it - lazy. Yep I am lazy to make new friends thinking oh gee how long will it take to really able to hang out together and know him/her, so I shunned away.

I love being alone, I love the rain, it would trigger my emo-ness... But I like being alone, when I am alone, I think of all sorts of things... Imaginative, problems, solutions etc... I often look around when I am alone, I look how people behave.

Like for example, Just a few days ago, I was a waffle world alone eating erm waffles and I was watching kids playing their game and how one small girl kept posing to the camera. And after that say mommy I want to see I want to see. I can't help buy kept wondering, wow what a lucky kid she is. I don't have the luxury to pose 2nd time when I was a kid, what's ugly is ugly hahaha.

But now being alone is a whole different story, since I am a busy nonsocial bee, I would have no time to waste sitting around and doing nothing. As for my loner behaviour, it is fading away as I surface more and begin to meet people more. Now I don't get stuck when I am with a new person. I start the conversation. I can go around getting to know people. Sometimes it feels odd really. But it is how it is.

Today being alone is very unusual for me, I am missing Joleen of course, being alone without her is miserable. But overall I can't be alone for long now, I don't know is it good or bad. I used to hate going to youth group because I don't have friends. Now usually Sunday afternoon is really doom for me. After a long weekend of hanging with church friends, you come to quietness and lonliness. odd. Do I like it? I don't know, Am I being myself? I am not, but I have a duty to carry, and that duty has made me someone else. Which I assume that it would be good.

Altight, That's it.. GOod night world

Rabbi, I got a question!

My job stuff is piling up. But I am all the more not in the mood to work. I just got back relaxing and as I pass the Toll, my stress seems increasing as I neared the office. As if the stress is not enough before, during and post breakfast.

Every camp I seemed to stepped on someone's toe before I left for home. Is it necessary? I don't know. Beneficial? I can't tell. But all I know is I got to do what I got to do. When your kids sick what you do? Let them take care of themselves? assuming they don't know how.

Thank God I did not get into accident... Well I almost did. I was driving and was concentrating and meditating on all my thoughts and suddenly I saw the rear of the lorry seems to be closer so I Jammed my brake, the car skidded a little, but manage to slow down before I clash with that Lorry.

Studies says that a lot of road accidents started because of arguments, fights, a lot which arguments as early as 6 hours before. All these are emotions playing back. Now my thoughts are different. I did not argue I did not fight, but I did some reflection on the whole process of my head. I don't know how to put it in words

Oh now I am confused because I seemed like stepped on someone's toe but does seems to put it in a right way but at the end I don't really know anymore what sets black away from white, what I should do and what's my status really? a mere friend? a teacher? a leader? a donkey?

Joleen's mission trip thrown me into other stuff like this. To have more time in my ministry its time to fix things. But yet, am I doing the right thing? Do I really have the rights to do it? What am I doing really? Seriously. mmmm don't look at me, I am totally as confuse as you are reading this blog. Like I said, time for a change... to what? I don't know how to? I don't know. I am totally puzzled I need a longer vacation. Can I?

Happy Anniversary

To who?

to me and joleen of course, Now I guess most of you don't know, if not all don't know that today is actually a year since we 'officially' started, well of course if you want to kira those years that we are not officially approve is way and much longer.

And where was I when this happen? In genting, with my friends, haha some of you might remember the incident of how mad I was going up with them and waste time in the room watching NTV 7.. awesome.... and I got a message from Joleen...

'tell you a good news' my shepherd approve us already.. and I think I remember calling her my girlfriend.. aww so sweet...

But today we can't celebrate because it is weekend, I usually have prayer meeting, but today UNITED is coming down, well, although I've been to hillsong, I have yet to see united perform before and this is a concert, not a service... Hope that it'll be really awesome... alright good night world